Dear Blog

O Journal, keeper,

You send my thoughts to a place

That none but I see

Thoughts and Dreams

wanderlust:

noun

a strong desire to travel: a man consumed by wanderlust.

I came upon this word a long time ago, in one of my many forays through Wikipedia (where you jump from one page to the next because you keep seeing things that you're curious about...) So I read through the wiki page for wanderlust; it's short and sweet, but I saw myself reflected in the words: a strong desire for or impulse to wander, or, in modern usage, to travel and explore the world. 

I have never once been outside of the United States. Not a single time. Not even to Canada. Last night as I was driving home (after watching the first half of Titanic, mind you...I'm sure that plays into this somehow.) I was listening to the Classical station like I do, and it was all about Puccini. It was all about how Puccini is loved by almost every Italian, they see him as a hero; they talked about how he composed, watching the moonlight reflect off a lake, with his cigarettes and whiskey. They talked about how Verdi and Wagner wrote of what they knew; Puccini wrote of what he dreamed. The whole thing made me feel so overpowered with a longing just to GO to this place where Puccini found his inspiration, and just sit and watch it as well. There is so much outside of where I am, right now. And I need to find it.

I guess you could say this is kind of my New Year's Resolution, except...I'm actually doing it. I will be taking any money I make this upcoming semester, via accompanying and selling my body (half kidding) and putting it away in a fund or account, whatever, to make this possible. I'm not content where I am, and I know I won't be until I make this happen. I don't know where I will be going exactly, but I can figure that out later. I realize that this might not happen this summer (although that is when I would be planning it for) but if not this, then the next.

Why am I telling this all to you? Because I don't think I've ever properly told anyone how much I want to leave this place, where I am right now, and just travel into the world. In a way, Hershy is doing this right now; and I'm so happy for him. He's following his dream, and he said something really smart. We all have so much crap weighing us down, both physically and mentally...but when you think about it, to really get up and go, you don't need a lot. 

I've gotten into a bad trend of staying up way later than should be humanly allowed. I'll have another post detailing Christmas and the New Years and all the excitement that the next week holds. But this is what's important to me right now. 

"If you could say anything about Mikey Wade, it's that he was a people person." (guess the movie...I changed the name :])

In the spirit of Christmas...

I'm tired. I really don't want to be updating my blog right now...but at the same time, I am compelled. I'm playing for the Children's Christmas Pageant once again this year, which I'm actually pretty psyched for. Little children singing Christmas carols in nothing short of three separate keys is still a heartwarming experience for me; they're too cute for me to lash out, and slay them with my relative pitch of death. Plus, when i was that little I was Joseph one year. And I got to carry a wooden donkey and sing. Life was good. 

I spent the majority of today completely doing nothing. The first time I left the house was to go to church at 5 tonight. It just needs to happen, especially after the craziness of this semester. I can't do it now, but I will soon have a blog entry reliving the magic that happened these last four-ish months. Did that last part sound like a Disney ad to anyone?? No matter, my life is a Disney movie as it stands.

Uhhh so yeah. I guess I'll just leave this as the precursor to the HUGE entry I'll post next time. Maybe tomorrow, if I wake up.

I will close with this neat little poem  I found, which kind of summarizes a lot for me. And hopefully, something for a couple others. G'night!

Spirits

At night I watch the spirits roam

Underneath the clearest of skies

That's when they are so very real

If only you care to see

They are vespers, brilliant and full of life,

Though theirs in our world

Is long over

I watch as they flit, here and there,

Little spheres of light

The woes of a world

They no longer see, unfolding seamlessly against them,

Their own tribulations are lost now-

For where could they be, in eternity? 

The trees bow slightly at their presence

And the wind laughs as it carries them along

They show no disdain, they are only passing

As I gaze with open wonder

And of all the wonders this bright night holds,

And of all things which give your heart purpose

See what I see, as each goes 

Not one by one,

But by two.

On these nights where I gaze at the sky

With the spirits, singing peace in their incandescence

In pairs, always pairs-

It is that which brings out a smile

For I know when I soar

Carrying a life, then past,

You will be my companion.

-Anon.

Christmastime

Okay, so I've been meaning to leave a new post forever and ever, and I had one the other day but I wanted to couple it with something else. So here goes!

Thanksgiving is always a mixed deal for me, emotions wise. For one I love being home, being able to sleep, having delicious food, etc. At the same time, dealing with my family can get pretty arduous. I think when it comes to our families, we all have this sort of love/hate relationship. You love them for being your family, how could you not...but at the same time having to deal with them in all of their idiosyncrasies, be they endearing or annoying...it just gets tiring. And thats the part of Thanksgiving that I've come to dread. every year. But now it's over, and it wasn't so bad. I usually escape to the piano and play, which works really, really well. I'd suggest it to anyone wanting to skip out on long, meaningless and/or bigoted conversations. :)

But enough of that. There's so much more to look forward to in the next few weeks!! :D In preparation, I'm trying to do as much work as possible in the next three days. AKA: Music history listenings, Soshy Coshy paper AND reactions (andy!), and finishing up my MFE so I don't fail life. Not to mention actually learning my piano jury stuff. This is the time where I actually bring myself to become organized, out of necessity, mostly. I'm not always a slob guys...HAHA ANDY. (he was making fun of me for not being able to find my Choir concert sheet :[ )

But that's all work stuff that I'm not going to let bother me. Wanna know whyyy? BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMASTIME!!!! Which means all sorts of amazing things: sledding, snowmen, snow angels, lots of hot chocolate, caroling, throwing snowballs at hapless victims, people watching (the best time!), happiness and cheer and everything in between. Even when I was little, this time of year was never, ever about presents or anything commercial. It's always been about the feeling of Christmas. It's about going out every year to the same place to cut down our tree, which we bring home and decorate immediately. I always get to put on my ornament (it's a little rocking horse that has my birth-date painted on it) , and there's always music playing of some sort, even if it's just humming Silver Bells repeatedly. And lots and lots of egg nog/cookies. When I was really little, my grandparents would come up later in the day and eat dinner with us, and we'd decorate their tree with them too. They had the really old lights that, if one went out, the entire strand went out...that was a pain. But the ornaments were beautiful. There's nothing like gazing at a Christmas tree, on that first night, fully lit with all of your ornaments and light strands, in stillness. In a surreal way, it makes me infinite. 

These are just a couple things that remind me of the feeling of Christmas. The memories that you take with you from childhood really are forever, and  I don't think you ever really forget the feelings that you had. The excitement of having a whole bunch of presents under the tree was one great thing. But being surrounded by family when, for once, they were truly happy and content, was better than any of that. Having your grandmother bring you a present, and the both of you just being glad that you can share in one another's happiness and company, present aside, was where it was at. What is this feeling that makes so many people so giddy, and so full of compassion? I wish I could take it with me all year long.

I plan on making the most of this time, friends. Anyone reading this blog is going to be (hopefully not too forcefully) dragged along for the ride. I have a list. Be ready. :) 

Lastly, I'll include the bit I wrote the other day, but didn't post. There's a little quote too which I hope you love as much as I do. 

Watching the snow, I'm thinking about life as I usually do. Snow tends to bring that out in me when I give it the chance. Every flake, to me, is kind of like a bitty person. We're all in this huge gust of events, trying to make sense of our lives. Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we just think we succeed, and sometimes, we just end up having more questions about ourselves than when we began. But when the day is done, regardless, we all reach the same end. You know, THE end. So what's the purpose of it all? What is it that makes any of our lives, with all that confusion and pain, worth living? 

...I could tell you, but I think that might strip away the beauty of it all. So enjoy the quote :)

 "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." -Anais Nin

Blogging memories...

So I figure I should write something substantial, at least. Buuuut therein lies my problem; I'm hardly ever a substantial blogger. This does bring back memories of Livejournal though, from high school. Funny how our brain blocks things together, and just the act of typing out a blog makes you remember a bunch of stuff from high school that you had forgotten completely. What came to mind first was a video some friends and I did for US History, where we were just ridiculous. I think we were supposed to be interviewing people as if they were historical figures?? I don't even remember, I just know that it turned into someone videotaping us ninja fighting in the freezing cold, at a playground. So epic. And I slipped on the ice and landed flat on my face...that was no good. But good memory, none the less...

I'm pretty psyched for Thanksgiving. One- because I am a bottomless pit for food (aka: vacuum with nipples) Two- It gives me an excuse to do NOTHING, which is so nice when most days are sooo crazy, Three- Has anyone seen the video of Sarah Palin giving an interview a) after she pardoned a turkey for thanksgiving and b) while a turkey is BUTCHERED BEHIND HER ON CAMERA?! Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-kjM1asH-8

And while it is great being home, I really just want to be back wrapping things up for this semester. I also miss everyone. :(

I think the thing I'm most excited about this week, however, is the day after Thanksgiving busting out every Christmas carol I have at my disposal and turning, slowly, into Mikey: Holiday Cheer Robot of Merriment(tm). Sooooooo close :)!!!! Hooray for first (kinda) post!!

I have a blog :)

Hooray!